“Boundary lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;

Indeed, a good inheritance is mine.”

 

Tehillim/Psalm 16:6

 

Below is a report entitled ‘Boundaries are Beautiful’.  This was sent out several years ago.  Approximately six months ago (perhaps more), He prompted me to send it out again.  I repent that I did not obey Him then.  This morning He has really been leading me very strongly about this and I am obeying, resending this with a little bit of rewrite.  This can only mean that there are those who need to hear this, correct their direction, and receive His blessing.

 

We are needing this counsel now.  Although much of this below is written to women, this is applicable to men as well… please read and ask His Spirit to move upon your heart.

 

Our society has blurred the lines of propriety… blurred the line of what is right.  Our Master is calling us to return to His beautiful boundaries, inside of which is much growth… like a beautiful, white fence which will surround a beautiful garden.  If we have turned our hearts to someone else other than our own spouse, in attention, or in profound and ceaseless prayer, we are out of bounds.  We can begin to verge on spiritual adultery and worse, and at the least, begin to establish unhealthy ‘soul ties’.  We need to be spending time praying for our own spouses and come back to the good boundaries of His word.  This simple truth was brought to me through an encounter with Him and by His sovereign instruction.  My obedience to this word has brought much beauty restored and has helped us to guard our garden.

 

Read below… take heed… repent if necessary… and correct.  Your life and home will prosper through obedience and submission to His counsel.

 

In His shalom,

Constance

 

“If you submit and obey, you shall eat the good of the land...”

 

Yeshayahu/Isaiah 1:19

 

 

 

BOUNDARIES ARE BEAUTIFUL

 

Our Father has established many boundaries in His creation.  He sets bounds for the stars, the planets, the earth, the sun, the moon, the sea, rivers, the mountains, the desert, the forest, night, day, seasons… the boundaries of Yisrael.

 

He is the Creator of all and He sees the need and benefit for boundaries and He expects us to honor what He has established.

 

BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE

 

We were once part of a congregation for 13 years.  I had been active in ministry there and was asked on occasion to teach in the Ladies Bible Study.  The last lesson I ever taught there was on boundaries. 

 

Before this time of teaching, He came in His supernatural sovereign will and timing and brought me His good instruction on this.

 

I will never forget this encounter with Him.  I was in the sanctuary of the church building where we attended during an evening meeting and by His Spirit He clearly said ‘Go to the back… I want to show you something’.  I normally sat at the front.

 

I went and sat down and He began to point out this husband, then this wife, then another husband, and another wife.  Then He described what He referred to as ‘cross pollination’.  He said that this wife had become friends with this other woman’s husband and this husband had become friends with this other man’s wife… He said this was very displeasing to Him.  Then I saw all these little snakes being released and slithering all through the congregation.  These had been released because people were not respecting the boundaries He had lined out in His word.

 

Then He began to teach me about boundaries in marriage.

 

He said that when a woman has a habit of calling a friend to pray about her husband… this is displeasing to Him.  At the time I was shocked at this!  He began to show me through Ephesians 5, that the primary relationship is the marriage.  I remember He had told me to begin to pray Ephesians 5 and I did so over and over again for weeks and weeks.  Then one day He said, ‘Do you see best friends listed here?’  I was stunned.  He began to correct what had been a very bad dysfunction of picking up the phone to call a friend, when I needed to be praying and speaking to my husband.  The marriage of a man and a woman is the primary relationship and the majority of our time and energy spent in regard to relationships should be spent in nurturing this.

 

Further, He said when a woman begins to pray and pray and pray for another woman’s husband… this is displeasing to Him and it leads to ‘soul ties’.  He explained that a woman should be praying for her husband and a man should be praying for his wife.  And if the spouse is an unbeliever, all the more reason to major on praying for them. However, most of what He taught concerning His beautiful boundaries had to do with women because He was also instructing me… but His counsel is for all of us.

 

He says in His word that a woman is to be busy at home with her attention on her own husband.  His word clearly says in Titus, we are to be ‘busy at home… subject to our own husbands…’  We are not to be busy with other women’s husbands.  It is that simple.  If we have time to pray and pray for another woman’s husband, then it is because we are not spending enough time praying for our own husband.

 

I have seen women, starting with seemingly good intentions, begin to pray and pray for another woman’s husband only to find herself linked to him in harmful, invasive ways.  Soon this woman feels she needs to know much about this other woman’s husband and feels entitled to intercede for him on a continuing basis which, in His eyes, is usurping his wife’s created position to do this very thing.  Soon ties are developed that are not of Him.  This happens often with women praying for their pastors… it leads to what He described as ‘the pastor syndrome’, where women become enthralled with their pastors and wholly neglect their own husbands.  This is not of Him.

 

This kind of attention given to another man or husband even in a pastorate position will leave the husband of this woman feeling despondent, unloved, and spiritually undone… especially if he is not a believer.  There can even be feelings of his wife being unfaithful to him, because in some respects, this is true.  This kind of attention is to be to one’s own husband… exclusively.

 

This can also happen with other men and husbands, and is especially dangerous when the woman praying does not currently have a husband who is seeking Him or their relationship is troubled.  She begins to seek out relationship with those she views as ‘a good husband’ and believes that prayer is an innocent way to ‘help’… but it is a seductive spirit that beguiles women in this way.  But if we will turn our attention back to our own husbands in praying for them, then He will be pleased with this.  Watch what He will do as you repent, obey, submit to His good counsel and pray for the husband He has given you.

 

We must learn to have good boundaries… true beauty embraces the boundaries He has established.

 

NO CORPORATE MARRIAGES

 

He continued to teach me more that evening as I sat in the back. 

 

In Charismatic circles it has become the norm to say there are no boundaries… we are free in the spirit.  But is this true?  No, it is not.  His word is clear on this.

 

As He began to teach me concerning His established boundaries in marriage, He said many are embracing a false concept of corporate marriages. 

 

He said because of the corporate nature of His Body, there is a subtle deception that is borne out of the attitude of ‘no boundaries’ that has come into His congregations and assemblies, large or small, that marriages also take on a corporate nature.  He said this is not so and is offensive to Him and His order.  He even likened it a soulish orgy. 

 

There is no such thing as corporate marriages in His word.  He said this subtle scheme of the enemy was used to cross His given barriers of protection for marriages.

 

A marriage is a sacred, set-apart, protected state in which only two people participate.  There are issues and matters and closeness shared inside of marriages that are not to be shared anywhere else.  He designed it to be so.  And He is warning us to zealously guard this. 

 

The time of shaking that is coming will also try to shake marriages.  Let us be diligent to guard and protect the healthy boundaries of His covenant marriage.

 

BOUNDARIES IN DRESS

 

He also said that His women are dressing like the world.  That most women in His Body are dressing seductively and worldly, with tight clothes; revealing tight fitting blouses, tight pants, tight skirts and jeans… wanting to be attractive to men and to others.  They are majoring on hair styles, fingernails, shoes and dress, and their goal is to look attractive.  Attractive to who?  To their own husbands or to the world? 

 

This pursuit of worldly attractiveness is not of Him.  This is crossing His boundaries.  Yes, we want to look decent and good, but there is a crossing of some lines.  It is time to re-embrace modesty.  And of course there is balance in this… He will show you.  We do not need to go to an Amish level of dress, but He is bringing correction. 

 

Take a deep breath and keep reading.

 

THE BLACK PANTS

 

Years ago when our children were in their early teen years, He told me that there were certain stores all owned by one man/corporation whose ideology was going to start to be imposed on the youth of America.  These stores have big pictures in their windows and are on the most populous interior corners of America’s malls.

 

He said the shopping malls had become ‘high places’ in our society and most would begin to ‘worship’ there and buy into the world’s way of dressing and looking.  This has come to pass.  Years ago, the shopping mall where we used to go became so vile in its content that we can no longer shop there.  I am very grateful for the new outdoor shopping areas, where you can enter into one store without going through a maze of worldly influence.

 

Immediately after His instruction, we shared this with our children, had a minor adjustment in some things already being worn and embraced His boundaries in dressing and shopping.  I am confident this wisdom He imparted set a more solid foundation. 

 

However, several years after this instruction, I needed to shop for some things and went into one of these stores He had warned me against!  It was as if I mindlessly just popped in there to look for some slacks.  I found a pair of sleek, black pants.  I went to try them on and they fit great accentuating and slenderizing.  I went to purchase them.

 

As I went to the counter, suddenly I got a little ‘check’… just a little one.  I came out of my ‘fog’ and went to put them back on the rack and profusely apologized to Him.  He does not want us wearing tight, enhancing clothing like the world dons.  He wants us dressing modestly.  This means not only not tight fitting, but not the latest trends, high dollar fashions meant to impress others.

 

As a matter of fact, obedience to this will enable Him to bring our husbands into belief and maturity as He delineates through 1 Peter 3!  This Scripture is given at the end of this report.

 

After this conviction and return of the black pants, I returned to my car and began to make the trip home.  As I left the parking lot, His presence flooded my car!  Wave after wave after wave of His manifest love and presence swept over me!  He took my breath away with His Love and Presence.  I wept and wept and wept all the way home as He so profoundly sent His approval of my choosing to obey Him and walk in the boundaries He has established in His word.  This unexpected flood of His presence was amazing!

 

He is serious about these matters and obedience to Him brings great reward… His presence!  What is more rewarding than pleasing Him and being with Him?!

 

THE LESSON

 

Back to the beginning and my final lesson at this congregation where He had instructed me on His ‘beautiful boundaries’.  After He finished teaching me of these things, the pastor’s wife called me and asked me to teach Ladies’ Bible Study.  I knew what He had shown me was also for this purpose.  With some trepidation I came into the study prepared to share the truth He had shown.  This was not going to be a ‘feel good’ word, but a word of instruction, correction, discipline and perhaps rebuke.

 

His anointing came as I stood up to teach.  Even under His anointing, your mind still functions, yes?  As I was speaking very pointedly about these things, my mind was thinking, ‘I wonder if they are receiving this?’  When I finished, several of the ladies fell on their faces and began to repent!!  His sword of truth had pierced their hearts.

 

NOT HEEDING HIS BOUNDARIES CAN LEAD TO ADULTERY

 

Some time later, He had us leave this congregation.  Spirits of adultery had been released even through some in leadership and those couples He had pointed out that day in the back of the auditorium became involved in adultery as well.  The ‘cross pollination’ He had shown led to breaching of His boundaries and adultery and destruction.  One husband became very ill and lost his natural life.  Breaching His good boundaries can open doors and the enemy will try to take full advantage.

 

But His truth had gone forth in this time of teaching and there were twigs snatched from the fire.  I learned a great deal during this time and I am ever grateful to His good instruction… and He is reminding me of this again. 

 

Messiah is the Head of the husband, and the husband is head of his wife.  If my husband or your husband has a need, He will make it plain and minister to him and He will make it plain to his wife… because we are one.  The person who should be praying for him is his wife. 

 

That does not mean that there might not be an occasion to pray for someone else’s husband, but not on a continuing, passionate level of intercession.  This is a usurpation of a wife’s place in prayer, will create ‘soul ties’, and it is also an abandoning of one’s own husband… the garden in which you are to be tilling, weeding, and planting in prayer.

 

Further, when we were members of this congregation the women would flock together and speak openly about their husbands… as if this were a good thing.  It is not. 

 

We are not to pick up the phone and call sister so and so and get her to agree with us to pray for our husbands.  Of course there will be some exceptions to this.  But as a general rule and beautiful boundary, we are to pray for our husbands to Elohim Who is able to intercede through Messiah Yehoshua Who is our husbands’ head. 

 

This exclusivity in design is meant to force us to begin to speak to our husbands or wives more honestly and openly and to begin to bring us understanding that marriage is primary, sacred and set-apart unto Him.  This is to bring husband and wife together and to create a healthy dependence (depend dance) on one another… not on others outside of the marriage.  There is no such thing as a corporate nature in marriages.  There is great, purposefully designed exclusivity… beautiful boundaries.

 

Have you ever had a ‘sister’ who called and always wanted to know how your husband was?  Who always wanted you to send him her love in a personal way?  This is indicative of a woman who identifies with corporate marriages.  This is a woman who does not understand His boundaries.  This is not of Him.

 

We simply need to repent… make teshuvah… turn around.  This does not require a public confession or the drama of public repentance, but a simple yielding to His conviction and return to His good and beautiful boundaries.  You can make this healthy choice for life today. 

 

AS IRON SHARPENS IRON

 

Men are to be the priest and head of their households.  Their number one service is to Elohim and Messiah.  This is the first and greatest commandment:

 

“Hear, O Yisrael, YHWH our Elohim, YHWH is One.  And you shall love YHWH your Elohim with all your heart, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.”

 

Then the second is like it: 

 

“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’  There is no other command greater than these.”  Mark 12:29-31

 

A man’s number one neighbor is his wife.  ‘…like Messiah also did love the assembly…’ (Ephesians 5:25)  And a woman’s number one neighbor is her husband and she is to love and honor and respect him.  We are to abide by the boundaries He has established… let us obey the second commandment in His good order.

 

After Elohim and then after his wife, a man’s help should come from the community of brothers.  The same is true of a woman.  After Elohim and her husband, then a woman’s help should come from the community of sisters.  It is not of Him if a man receives continuing personal counsel from a woman other than his wife or a woman receives continuing personal counsel from a man, other than her husband.  Cross pollination comes from crossing those boundaries.

 

WOMAN TO WOMAN

 

Boundary check… this is not meant to be accusatory… these are the same questions He submitted to me and I received correction… still do!: 

 

When you are planning to go to meetings with your brothers and sisters, is your first thought about what you will wear or being prepared and yielded to His Spirit?  Is your goal to look attractive or to be attentive to Him?  Are you wanting your body to be thin, fit and attractive to be shown to those other than your spouse or are you wanting His light in you to be all that is noticed?  Are you walking in the fragrance of Channel No. 5 or the fragrance of Messiah?  Do you want to impress others in the meeting and get attention for yourself or let Him receive all glory, honor and respect due Him?  Do you believe you are appointed to minister to men in a personal way, other than your husband or are you yielded to Him and His good boundaries, which cause you to put your attention on your own husband in obedience to His word?  Are you spending more time speaking intimately with a friend and nurturing that relationship or are you spending more time with your spouse and sowing into your marriage?

 

Adultery was sown in this congregation we had attended through lack of good boundaries.  It was sad to see these good boundaries crossed and then the ‘soul ties’ and resulting harm to spouses, inappropriate relationships and even widespread adultery and divorce.

 

Why did this all happen?  Because His beautiful boundaries were neither recognized nor respected.  It all began with breaching the boundaries He has clearly lined out in His Word.  I believe He was showing me this in advance so that I would know that this tragedy and trial could have been avoided if His boundaries had been respected and observed.

 

Now that I am in a ministerial capacity, He is reminding me of these things, amein?  When we are sent out to teach and minister, of course we are to pray and minister to those who are in need… this is what we should do and I do so under the covering of my husband.  Ministering to that one needing prayer and counsel at that moment is quite different than allowing a relationship of continuing prayer and counsel if it is between a man and a woman.  My husband and I are learning the best way to do all of these things and we are trying to walk in the good and beautiful boundaries He has established… prayerfully. 

 

Boundaries are beautiful to Him and they should be to us… they are there for our protection.  Marriages are sacred and set-apart, and we should zealously guard the boundaries of our marriages. 

 

Seemingly just a few years ago, this truth would have been easily seen and would have rarely needed addressing.  But the enemy has ‘softened the beachheads’ as he has bombarded us with worldly stores, television programming, movies, music and books and many in His Body have succumbed to his schemes.  Time to return to His set-apart ways… time to embrace His boundaries.

 

He called me to begin wearing long skirts after this time of teaching.  This has been such a good correction for me and encounters by His Spirit with Orthodox Jews have happened, in part, because I was dressed appropriately and could be approached. 

 

Not too, too many years ago, women did not wear pants.  This is not meant to be a call for women to stop wearing pants, but I can remember my precious grandmother saying to me, ‘Promise me you will never wear pants to church’.  I promised her, but broke that promise.  Perhaps now He is returning to me a blessing for finally keeping my promise to her.  There is Scripture that says we are not to don men’s clothing.  Food for thought.  Perhaps we have lost sight of some things in our western, liberal society. 

 

As we know, there is much divorce inside of the believing community, and I believe He has given me a small part of insight regarding beautiful boundaries to help us guard our marriages in a healthy, life giving way.

 

He said to me so clearly during His time of teaching me about His boundaries: 

 

‘TRUE BEAUTY EMBRACES BOUNDARIES’

 

HEART TO HEART

 

One final word of instruction (keep taking those deep breaths, seek Him and do not receive a spirit of accusation or guilt, but yield to His Spirit of conviction and/or correction).  In congregations and between members of His Body, it has become the ‘norm’ for men and women to embrace one another.  A friendly handshake is sufficient between men and women and perhaps just a friendly ‘hello’.  This is going to be difficult at first to return to.  We do not want to hurt people’s feelings, but it is more important to obey Him and submit to Him in re-establishing healthy boundaries.  It may be awkward for a time, but I truly believe that as we ‘go back a few steps’ to the proprieties that were once there, we may see a healthy ‘reversing’ of this trend of broken marriages.

 

I remember when I first learned that Orthodox Jews do not shake hands with women.  I reached my hand out and this young Australian Orthodox Jew simply said, ‘We do not shake hands with women’ with a friendly grin on his face.  I thanked him for his good instruction and we all had a nice chat.  We did not need to physically touch to be joined by His Spirit, amein?  Again, I am not saying that this is what we should do to this extent, but let us reassess some things… let us seek Him in regard to this.  After this encounter with this Orthodox Jewish young man, I received a magazine from FFOZ with an article on men and women ‘not hugging’… He confirms, amein?

 

OUR GARDEN

 

It is time to allow Him to set those healthy boundaries found in His word once again, and let us pray that perhaps slowly but surely we will begin to allow Him to restore.

 

 

After His time of teaching me these things, by His Spirit He showed me marriage as a garden.  The first one had the fences torn down, breaches in the boundaries, and weeds were every where and the ground was dry!  Then by His Spirit He showed me what marriages in Him could be and He showed me a beautiful garden with unbroken white fences, lush green grass and the most beautiful, healthy flowers in vibrant colors full of life.

 

 

Quickly came repentance… teshuvah… turning around and an embracing of what He had shown.  We can have a beautiful garden in our marriages if we will embrace His beautiful boundaries.  I know that it does take two, but He told me to ‘do my part’ and to trust Him and we have been very blessed.

 

Even after making corrections, if marriages should not prosper, we will know that we did all we knew to do in obedience to Him.  But I am believing for you to have Him come in His miraculous way to grow your marriages into a beautiful, healthy garden… He is the true ‘miracle grow’.  And marriage is His most sacred created relationship next to our life in Him.

 

Let us embrace His boundaries… let us be beautiful in His sight.  Let us protect and nurture the marriages He has blessed us with, and if we are not married, to prepare us for the time that He will graciously bring us a spouse.  We are accountable to Him to do so.

 

In His shalom,

Constance

www.onestickministries.com

 

“But you, speak what is fitting for sound teaching: the older men are to be sober, serious, sensible, sound in belief, in love, in endurance…

 

… the older women likewise are to be set-apart in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of what is good, in order for them to train the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, blameless, workers at home, good, subject to their own husbands, in order that the word of Elohim is not evil spoken of.” 

 

Titus 2:1-5

 

“In the same way, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that if any are disobedient to the Word, they, without a word, might be won by the behavior of their wives, having seen your blameless behavior in fear.  Your adornment should not be OUTWARD—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on dresses – but the hidden Man of the HEART, with the incorruptible ornament of a meek and peaceable spirit, which is of great value before Elohim.”

 

1 Peter 3:1-4

 

“Likewise, that the women dress themselves becomingly, with decency and sensibleness, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly garments, but with GOOD WORKS, which is becoming for women undertaking worship of Elohim.”

 

1 Timothy 2:9-10

 

 

“If you submit and obey, you shall eat the good of the land...”

 

Yeshayahu/Isaiah 1:19